Are you a parent trying to implement changes in your household? Or are you a teenager trying to figure out what to do about a friend your parents don’t like? Have you ever felt uncertain about a decision, not knowing which choice is the right answer? Do you ever feel stuck … in a relationship, an argument, a role, a problem situation, in life?
While feeling challenged, uncertain, and conflicted is a part of being truly alive, these feelings often elicit more of an experience of suffering than vitality for most people. Is there anyone out there who actually enjoys feeling stuck, trapped, or “stalled out”? I doubt it. So how do you change it? How do you get past being stuck without getting bogged down by uncertainty, discomfort, or pain? Of course, there are no magic answers … but ACT has a tool called the Resilience Formula, and it comes pretty dang close to seeming magical in those true moments of feeling stuck.
So, what is ACT?
Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT [pronounced like the word “act”]) is a treatment modality. It’s about being flexible in the face of challenges. It’s about riding the emotionally stormy seas of life without drowning. It’s about accepting that we’re all human — that we’re all faced with successes and challenges, happiness and suffering — and learning how to meet the highs and lows of our lives with grace, purpose, and a commitment to the things that matter.
I work with teenage girls, and many of them feel stuck: in conflict with their parents, in drug use or partying culture, in school, in unhealthy relationships, in their reputations, in trauma stories, in anxiety, in depression, in figuring out who they are, etc. That’s where I come in.
Often, by the time my clients arrive at SUWS/Phoenix Outdoor, they’ve tried many different strategies to become “unstuck.” Some of those strategies have perhaps made the situation a little better; some of them have maybe made the situation worse. Either way, the individual, their parents, consultants, or therapists have decided to take a bigger step toward getting “unstuck” by enrolling the student at SUWS. Early on in this process, learning how to implement the Resilience Formula serves as a road map to start heading in the right direction.
The Resilience Formula:
In every problem situation, we have three options:
- Stay and change what can be changed, accept what can’t be changed, and live by your values.
- Stay, but give up and do stuff that makes it worse.
Seems simple enough, right? It can be simple, but it can also be incredibly complicated.
The first step in using the Resilience Formula is to be firm on what your personal values are. Without confidently knowing your values, you have no compass to determine which way to go in problem situations. Values are defined as: desired qualities of behavior. These are our heart’s deepest desires about how we want to interact with the world, others, and ourselves. Some of you might be able to easily identify your core values, but for those who are uncertain, I find these questions helpful to get yourself thinking:
- What’s important to you?
- What do you want your life to stand for?
- What qualities do you want to embody as a person?
- How do you act, and how do you wish you acted, in relationships with others?
- Many, many years from now, how do you want to be described about who you are today?
For examples of values, values lists, and values quizzes, I recommend taking a few minutes to do a quick Google search. There are a number of great resources for values identification out there.
Set aside some time in the next few days to settle on your core values, and stay tuned to learn how to apply the Resilience Formula to your, your child’s, your partner’s, or your clients’ lives!
Want to learn more about SUWS? Visit suwsofthecarolinas.com
Want to learn more about ACT? Visit https://contextualscience.org/act
K. “Alice” Cennamo, LCSW LCAS, is a wilderness therapist at SUWS of the Carolinas/Phoenix Outdoor, working with adolescent females as they move through problematic substance use, trauma, family conflict, and co-occurring disorders. She utilizes a strengths-based approach in her work with adolescents and emphasizes empowerment as an agent for creating change.